I've been exploring this in therapy a lot of late and I think many of us lean into 'bad versus good' narratives because they allow us to break free from the trauma bonds that have often held many of us captive for much of our lives. The guilt of the parentified child who feels responsible for their parent's wellbeing; the self doubt and comparing our trauma to others to be undermine our intuition that our experience was awful and unsafe.
I'm learning that I can allow myself to feel the duality of my experience of my abusive parent. That they weren't all bad. That they can be worthy of my compassion for their trauma. AND that they're still not, and never will be, a safe person for me. It just hurts more to think of things this way than to put them in the Bad Box.
I've been exploring this in therapy a lot of late and I think many of us lean into 'bad versus good' narratives because they allow us to break free from the trauma bonds that have often held many of us captive for much of our lives. The guilt of the parentified child who feels responsible for their parent's wellbeing; the self doubt and comparing our trauma to others to be undermine our intuition that our experience was awful and unsafe.
I'm learning that I can allow myself to feel the duality of my experience of my abusive parent. That they weren't all bad. That they can be worthy of my compassion for their trauma. AND that they're still not, and never will be, a safe person for me. It just hurts more to think of things this way than to put them in the Bad Box.