What struck me as I finished reading this piece is that in both these situations, people are always convinced they know better than the woman (I know people of all genders become estranged, talking from my own experience).
Both decisions are often viewed through a patriarchal lens that undermines women's experiences and self knowledge and ultimately wants us to self-sacrifice to uphold some perceived societal standard. Add to that the inherent childism of western society, that remains embedded as adults, that upholds the notion of respecting the elders and doing what we're told and it's no wonder estrangement remains distasteful and taboo.
Wow. This was so fascinating to read -- especially as someone who grew up in white evangelicalism where there was such intense indoctrination regarding abortion. And this same community is absolutely losing it's mind about the reality that adult children have the choice to go low- or no-contact with abusive parents.
Oh my gosh, I drew the parallel to abortion before you even got to it, so I’m glad that came up here!
I also appreciate the comments about needing changed behavior for a reunification to work. I think another struggle I have with my mom, specifically (from whom I am estranged), is that she tries to brush off my decision as petty and reactionary, but does nothing to take responsibility for her role in it, which makes it so hard to even want a relationship with her ever again.
I’m excited for the second half of this conversation.
Thank you for this conversation.
What struck me as I finished reading this piece is that in both these situations, people are always convinced they know better than the woman (I know people of all genders become estranged, talking from my own experience).
Both decisions are often viewed through a patriarchal lens that undermines women's experiences and self knowledge and ultimately wants us to self-sacrifice to uphold some perceived societal standard. Add to that the inherent childism of western society, that remains embedded as adults, that upholds the notion of respecting the elders and doing what we're told and it's no wonder estrangement remains distasteful and taboo.
Thanks for this!
Wow. This was so fascinating to read -- especially as someone who grew up in white evangelicalism where there was such intense indoctrination regarding abortion. And this same community is absolutely losing it's mind about the reality that adult children have the choice to go low- or no-contact with abusive parents.
It's all connected! Weirdly! But also obviously, I suppose.
Oh my gosh, I drew the parallel to abortion before you even got to it, so I’m glad that came up here!
I also appreciate the comments about needing changed behavior for a reunification to work. I think another struggle I have with my mom, specifically (from whom I am estranged), is that she tries to brush off my decision as petty and reactionary, but does nothing to take responsibility for her role in it, which makes it so hard to even want a relationship with her ever again.
I’m excited for the second half of this conversation.
I hear you. <3 It's often "I'll do anything! [except examine my role in the ongoing conflict]" It can feel very infuriating.