Yes to all of this! Exactly what I was speaking to in my note yesterday.
I am estranged from my father and brother. I was close with my father growing up but it was complicated. My brother was my best friend.
I view my estrangement from my father as a sad outcome of many different events, including an incredibly contentious divorce between him and my mother. I have not had contact with him for almost 23 years. I don’t view the estrangement itself as a choice, but my decision to stay no contact is a choice and is something I wrestling with a lot as I get older.
My estrangement from my brother also stems from our parents’ divorce, though we do keep in limited contact.
I am so glad to have found this resource and look forward to connecting with others!
My dad’s bio dad qualifies as “estranged” to me- I have met him a few times, but I haven’t seen him in over 10 years- he did not attend my wedding 10 years ago and he didn’t send any explanation with his No RSVP. He randomly commented a couple times on a FB post but has not met mine or my sister’s kids- my 7 yo thought he was dead. He attended my HS graduation and it was very, very awkward. I feel he chose not to pursue a relationship with his son or any of the rest of us after leaving my grandma when my dad was a baby. My dad said recently he didn’t miss him as a father because he had many other father figures and didn’t expect much from his bio dad.
My father was absent from my life from the time I was 5 until 16. We became estranged when was 18 and told him to f*ck off for not being able to explain or apologize for those 11 missing years. He recently reached out to me. I think estrangement requires choice (just my opinion). I made a decision not to have a relationship with him in that moment at 18. With my mother, it was first at 25 and then at 31. Again, I made a choice to cut those ties with her and the rest of my family (give them an inch and she will feel entitled to a mile). I'm sure they would say I'm estranged from them, and not the other way around. Which would make my father estranged from me from 5-16, not the other way around. I had no choice, no say, no power. I think the difference lies in who made the choice, and what the choice is. If you are in regular contact, then you might have a difficult relationship and are considering estrangement, but aren't yet estranged. I love to split hairs like this. LOL. Really break it down to the nitty-gritty. Whatever we call it, it's complex and complicated and painful and littered with landmines. But I'm glad more people are talking about it. Cheers, Maddie. xo
Yes to all of this! Exactly what I was speaking to in my note yesterday.
I am estranged from my father and brother. I was close with my father growing up but it was complicated. My brother was my best friend.
I view my estrangement from my father as a sad outcome of many different events, including an incredibly contentious divorce between him and my mother. I have not had contact with him for almost 23 years. I don’t view the estrangement itself as a choice, but my decision to stay no contact is a choice and is something I wrestling with a lot as I get older.
My estrangement from my brother also stems from our parents’ divorce, though we do keep in limited contact.
I am so glad to have found this resource and look forward to connecting with others!
My dad’s bio dad qualifies as “estranged” to me- I have met him a few times, but I haven’t seen him in over 10 years- he did not attend my wedding 10 years ago and he didn’t send any explanation with his No RSVP. He randomly commented a couple times on a FB post but has not met mine or my sister’s kids- my 7 yo thought he was dead. He attended my HS graduation and it was very, very awkward. I feel he chose not to pursue a relationship with his son or any of the rest of us after leaving my grandma when my dad was a baby. My dad said recently he didn’t miss him as a father because he had many other father figures and didn’t expect much from his bio dad.
My father was absent from my life from the time I was 5 until 16. We became estranged when was 18 and told him to f*ck off for not being able to explain or apologize for those 11 missing years. He recently reached out to me. I think estrangement requires choice (just my opinion). I made a decision not to have a relationship with him in that moment at 18. With my mother, it was first at 25 and then at 31. Again, I made a choice to cut those ties with her and the rest of my family (give them an inch and she will feel entitled to a mile). I'm sure they would say I'm estranged from them, and not the other way around. Which would make my father estranged from me from 5-16, not the other way around. I had no choice, no say, no power. I think the difference lies in who made the choice, and what the choice is. If you are in regular contact, then you might have a difficult relationship and are considering estrangement, but aren't yet estranged. I love to split hairs like this. LOL. Really break it down to the nitty-gritty. Whatever we call it, it's complex and complicated and painful and littered with landmines. But I'm glad more people are talking about it. Cheers, Maddie. xo